GG's Mexican Bar Fight!

Hola amigos, hermanos and tio!
Another episode in the epic tales from the gringo DJ in Mexico!

A couple nights back I was mixin some vinyl in a well established after hours bar down here In mehico. I noticed a gringo roll in from the street corner and he was clearly intoximacated. So much so he was refused a drink at the bar. Just then a bouncer walks over and says to him in broken english-you gotta go!

Before the bouncer finished what he was saying the drunk gringo POWER VOMITED right in his face! The bouncer went reeling backwards and went down. The gringo let another one go all over the floor and by this time bouncer number two had grabbed him.
Bouncer number two slid in the vomit and went down and took the gringo down with him. The drunk gringo slammed into a real pretty girl before hittin the ground.

Here is where the real trouble began! Prostitution is legal in mexico-not streetwalking mind you, but private arrangement- and of course the girls always have muscle around in case someone forgets their manners, like knocking one down in a bar!

By this time I already had my record bag zipped and ready to go-I left two records on the turntables one of which was still playing and headed for the exit! Well....

It was as if some invisible hobgoblin that no one could see but everyone could hear stood up on the bar and screamed "BAR FIGHT". The place ERUPTED! Bottles were flying, people screaming and running, the floor was soaked with beer and ice (and vomit!).

The entrance to the booth was blocked, so up goes Grasshopper over the turntablas and into the air! No joke I pulled a superman power leap right into the middle of the dance floor. I wobbled a bit unexpectedly because of the weight of the vinyl I had strapped around my neck and shoulder in a bag. Went head long into a girl-she went down I kept going! Hey I wasnt happy about it but IT happens.

Not but two steps on the dance floor and dipsh*t number one swings at me. The only reason I can remember the movement that happened here is because I had practiced it and knew one day I would need it! I slipped to the right down and real low. I always wear my record bag across my right shoulder and keep my right forearm inside the strap just for this reason! (Yes I have an arsenal of dj bag bar moves!) Anyway I ducked under to the right, raised my right forearm allowing my head to slip under the strap and then a big long arm style arc of 40+pounds of vinyl are comin your way fast and hard! Kablaam, like an evil pillow fight, numnuts number one goes down.

A quick visual assesment of my situation and I realize I gotta turn and go to the left around the chaos to get to the door. I'm duckin and weaving people to get there and , yes, poor soul number two caught a rams head in the back on the way.

Suddenly I go down for no apparent reason. A horrible odor suddenly assults my nostrils, vomitus malodorous, yep I slipped in the vomit. Had it from right ankle up my side to my armpit. As I go to get up I catch one in the head and go back down. Suddenly I realize I am being stomped like a narc at a biker rally by at least two people. NOT COOL. Especially when I am in a pile of vomit! Thats it! I started flinging vomit from the floor up into the air like a chimp hurling poo at someone they dont like. Somewhere along the line it worked and I cought a break and managed to get to my feet and shoot through a hole of people like a star football running back!

I got to the exit and a slammed through to the street. Ran so hard my feet were kickin my own ass! I ran toward the beach. Got a couple blocks away and set my puke covered record bag down in the sand and hopped in the ocean.....just another day in the life of a dj in mexico....

Episode 2 on the way!

PS. Master Cartmell having trouble getting verification key for new acct startup!

Hey URG (Unregistered Guest) this ones for you!

.::Episode Two::.

Its interesting to live another country. The experience of having to learn a language forces you to learn how to listen all over again. I love travelling. I have a chance to see things with new eyes.

Mexico culturally is same in many ways from that of the US and Canada. One of the ways it is very different is how lovers percieve themselves. In the public much kissing and groaping occurs. Moreso than anywhere I have been. For those of you not familiar with Latina women, well please allow me to enlighten you.

Summer is the best time for viewing the wild and awesome beast that is the latin lady. In the wild she will wear a skirt so high your only a quarter inch from the garden of Edin. Literally and figuratively. They come in all shapes and sizes and regardless of weight or height seem to now all about the proper way to express sexy!
Hey, I like spinners (You know the type, real thin, put'em on top and spin 'em!) however I have seen many thicker and heavier types that were drop dead sexy-just like Fat Bastard in Austin Powers!

Anyway, jealously is very common to this culture. With very good reason which is quite apparent after seeing these hotties......

I told this story to tell you another-and thus begins episode2 of a gringo dj in mexico:

I am freshly showered and smellin like a french whore in heat. Its night and I'm crusin for some nooky. Not content with the first few bars and clubs I pass, suddenly I see it. Its the hot spot of fine latina pudenda.

Walking in with a refined swager I approach the bar and order a ron-n-coke, no ice- James Bond Style. Mistake number one is about to happen! Instead of paying attention to my surroundings and looking for possible jealous boyfriends, I begin speaking to a honey next to me.

Even though I do my best at speaking spanish I still sound like Tarzan trying to ask Jane out for a tree top dinner of banannas and coconuts. It makes 'em smile and you dont know enough words to get yourself in trouble. Well most of the time anyway.

Just then her boyfriend, and it was obvious, strolls over and forceably grabs here away. I look over and see that he has returned to a table with four other guys. They are between the door and myself. Oooops, mistake number two for Grasshopper.

However, they are not between the bathroom and myself. Taking advantage of this and knowing with that intuitive feeling (and the threatning glances and gestures in my direction) that your about to get your ass kicked, I decide to take the fight to my battlefield-the bathroom!

Once in the bathroom I quickly tell the bathroom attendant(yes these are common in Mexico) that the bar tender wanted to speak to him, something about a phone call. As soon as he left I set about spraying the floor with various types of soaps for freshing up before you go in for the kill with the ladies...and back to your casa were you hope to promptly make the two backed beast creature appear!

If I was-a-fishin, those idiots were-a-catchin cause four of them suddenly appeared in the doorway............next post GrazingGrasshoppers Catch of the DAY!

URG....pardonme...I meant WAR you keyboard fummbling idiot.

.::Episode3 Catch of the Day::.

Having laid a soap line about half from the door to where I was standing when they appeared I taunted them with a comment in broken spanish about preforming an obscene sex act with their mothers (Gets them taken the bait everytime!) two of them rushed me. In so doing promptly sliping in the soap line.

Now I made the soap line across the bathroom except within a foot or so from the left wall. When the two went down I sprang to the left wall (pressing both of the two remaining so that they had to fight me single file, one on one instead of two on one). Also their was a mirror and hand dryer sticking out the right side wall with nice sharp edges to push them into.

The first one never saw it coming, this is a joke of course, as I had my car keys protruding from my fist and shoved it in his eye.....HEY WAR, YEAH YOU, ANY OF THIS SOUNDING FAKE TO YOU BUNG HOLE! ALL TALK MY ASS- DONT WORRY WAR YOU CAN PAY ME LATER FOR ALL THIS SOUND FAKE STREET FIGHTING SAN SOO KEMPO CRAP- YOU F'IN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!......

Second guy got pushed with a body blast into those sharp edges I mentioned earlier. With a quick reverse pivot I shoot out the bathroom door and was homeward bound shortly thereafter.

Next episode: GG's hilarious marijuana escapade!

check the left hand on this kid:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1194078307256838492&q=street+fight

check it out !?
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8159856620709321521&q=san+soo
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7859606743330463994&q=san+soo

More grappling B.S.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7076063312262742465&q=kung+fu

P.S seems easiest once you have the google video player to go to the right side of the screen and click on download and either run it from it location or download the shortcut.

not very impressive, try harder next time.

try?.....I am doing. I dont need sleep why do you?

TVD and Master Cartmell:

My hats off to you gentlemen. Once the way is learned, the game is known and mastered those of this level strive to play their own game- spin the opponent(world) on their axis not the other way around. Yet, You and a few others here continue to play....I am more concerned now with playing my game and not anyone elses. Good Bye Gentlemen.
...yawn.....no more!

Hey Aliento de Culo, I like comic book story.
I already pay your mother.
So amaze that you so clear remembering what whent on like you wrigting book.

All so clear in panic situation. YTou are like gay superhero...lik Nacho Bunghole libre or thing.

Your records sound tough, hop you no break Village person greatest hits.

I hang out by men's room in Mexico City with my record collection en my back...
This picture is wrong.

Maybe you lik to stepping in vomit by men's room.

"SOmetimes a posting board is like driving in your car....someone comes along and gives you the finger and acts tough within the safe confines of their vehicle. Sometimes I would love to be able to pull over and have a go! face to face everything changes. ...that is face to face with the grill of my car!!!! "

I would no let you reach in your purse to put soap for me slip in. You go with me, i take you body and car to lake or thing. No one see the gay face you has no more.

Maybu I keep the record you had, just not all the gay one, like "Erasure" that you seeming like.

dude learn some english
me no speaky brokeny bull shitty

GG,

I need the username you've chosen to activate a new account.

Argggh -

Half you cuntry speak spanish, half your country speak no englis. You are be out-bred, out worked
and are slave. Look and tsee the bars aroung yor head.

I know more englis than you know Chinese or Spanish.
Keep laughing and I steal your country.

OK, senor magnifico

Hey Tim, remember this one?

If you have faith in your kung fu, it will work for you like a charm over and over, it will never fail you. However, if you don’t have belief and faith in your kung fu, then it will be worthless because you have defeated yourself before your opponent has even thrown a punch at you. Interacting socially is the same, you have to have faith and belief in the kung fu philosophy.

But, where does this faith come from and how do we get it?, from taking chances, by pushing yourself to do a little more in situations that scare you, that is where. All kung fu technqiues were designed this way...to push you higher and higher. Why do you think I talk to you guys all the time, I talk to you because I’m giving you techniques of how to live your life correctly, so you have many different social skills. Just like you have to have many different fighting technqiues, you also have to have many different ways of talking and acting, otherwise when someone says something to you that you never heard, you won’t know how to react, you’ll feel poor inside.

See, I’m teaching you to be a black belt with your mouth and mind, not just with your hands and feet. But, several times a day, you have to practice how to act, walk, talk and treat people. You have to see yourself in your minds eye saying and doing the things you want. The more you do this, the more confidence you will build creating an outstanding character among men...OK.

So, always maintain a confident and strong mind when practicing, and things will always work for you. Even when things are going badly, have faith and believe everything will be OK. Always tell yourself, this is the best I can do now, but I will do even better later.

- Jimmy H. Woo


Hopp, I thought you'd like this one.

Good post Jack.

"But, where does this faith come from and how do we get it?, from taking chances, by pushing yourself to do a little more in situations that scare you, that is where."

Are you starting to see now why I encourage my students to compete?