I just want to be tough. I I eont xare about qomwn I care about being feared and respected and making my presence in this world. Thats why I respect criminal groups from a similar background to mune, and dudes that are pute intense and hard. Thats all I care about in life is beconing hard. I dont care about regular life or aociety but spend most of my days facinating about being in a medievail war or an apocolypse or like A war in twrminator and leading. I want to be a leader and make something of myself. F@k this modern relaity tv world Im meant for greater things. Anyway I realized just how much work I need on myself to get myself mentslly to the point I need t be and be who I was destined. I think the major problem is living in sillicon valley rather than a city like san francisco or where thwre are bad neighborhoods, trouble to get into and just waya to test yourself daily. In suburbia or rich areas its hard to get harder because u live in an environment where u hardly get tested. And Im not talking about a wannabe bad boy. Being in good shape or having tats or bein a mma expert means nothing to me anymore. Having eyew full of coldness, being able to grab somebody by the neck or slam the, in the middle of a crowd withhout caring for repercutions or public comments is what I call hardness. Being able to hit a mofo for toufhing you in a gay manner or another mofo for throwing gang signs at you is being hard. Im sick of letting ppl insult me or get over by me without me ever putting my hands on ppl. Just the other day some mexican dude aervibg me sandwitches didnt want to put on some pickles and peppers and said they were at a stand but he made m sandwitch to go so as I was opening it I realised I would have to mess it up just to put them in and I know damm well he could have done it from the front. Instead of just forgetting about it I shold have demanded him to do it or put my hands on him over ththe counter like a "real man" Would.

But here is the thing why I am writing thiw thread and in the two main areas I recenrly failed in and why I think I need to move to the city to be able to move to the next step in my mental transformation. I recently went to san francisco two days in a row because of macworld as I am a qriter for a tech site. Anyway the first night my mom dropped me off because I was afraid of parking coats and she knew the city better, but I wasnt expecting her to ehow up at the frwkaing event!! She did and they somehow let her in. So I fekt stupid fr not just going alone and as I was wlaking outside when she was going to take me to dinner some black drug addicta and beggers kept asking for monet but one was all over me and wouldnt stop.he wa s.iterlly raping me he was so faggy. I at that moment when realized he had chances to back out and didnt try shoulder hitting him. Going i ti bis shouldwr with hime ti make bim fky back like I did in jail but for some reason I think because my mom was there and I was too worried about public outcry or police or other bums stabbing my mom or me atopped rigjt before my shoulder would have made contact. I felt like all the skills I learnt, all of my thai boxing and jiu hitsu trianing is worthless because of my mental limitations and holding back. This was some skinny black drug addict I had fear ober. I couldnt believe my own mind and body. Its like I wanted todo something but my mind wouldnt allow it. And I just stoppef and he started tyeing to get hard with me and I waited for him to get closer but he at this time finally kept his distance but looked like he wanted to pull a knife or something and thhe aituation was over as I was wlaking away already. I hated myself for this.

Anyway here is another recent scenario. I went to macworld the next day and decided to go to a bar after the event for a drink. At the bar I made out with a hot dark older woman around 40 I think and she said I am delicious and gave me her bumber at all. Ut wouldnt take me home due to some bs excuse like having roomates or being judged or aome crap. But before I talked to her some gay dude was standing in the back and I walkec by him and said excuse me and he said "oh Im sorry real sorry" and started massaging my back or patting me real sexually. Instead of acring like a real man and grabbing him in a choke or jsut grabbing his tricept and muscle tendoms (pressure points) or putting him on the wall I just didnt even look back and ahrugged my shoulder. I dont know why I couldnt do what these mexican San Jose gangbangers do in bars and just hit without thinking or something. I felt so weak and helpless like a little girl veing harassed by a stranger or something. But he was so weak and small compared to me. This again shows mentla not some mma or bs skills matter in life. Anyway, as I was trying to think of a way to react the situation was over and he only did it for a sec ao I couldnt get my mind to agree to get physical. Its so bizarre how weak mentally I m and nice of a guy I am. Ill eveb accwpt gays touching me. Anyway there is my recent ranr of a nice guy.

But I look at it this way. at keast I know what I need to work on to become a warrior and what to test myself with or how to overcome this handicap. I have various chkes and holds at my disposal I just have too much fear or shakiness in my knees and ibhibitions to ever use these skills. I just need to live ina. City or violent place to rewlly qchieve thiw no thought mentql procewa. Or no fear.

Dont read the previous message ita full of grammar errors I used iworks pages on ipad for corrections so read this much more coherent and easily to read post:


I just want to be tough. I dont care about women or getting sex, I care about being feared and respected and making my presence in this world. Thats why I respect criminal groups from a similar background to mine, and dudes that are pure intense and hard. Thats all I care about in life is becoming hard. I dont care about regular life or society but spend most of my days facinating about being in a medieval war or an apocalypse or like A war in terminator and leading. I want to be a leader and make something of myself. F@k this modern reality tv world Im meant for greater things. Anyway I realized just how much work I need on myself to get myself mentally to the point I need t be and be who I was destined. I think the major problem is living in silicon valley rather than a city like san francisco or where there are bad neighborhoods, trouble to get into and just waya to test yourself daily. In suburbia or rich areas its hard to get harder because u live in an environment where u hardly get tested. And Im not talking about a wannabe bad boy. Being in good shape or having tats or being a mma expert means nothing to me anymore. Having eyes full of coldness, being able to grab somebody by the neck or slam the, in the middle of a crowd withhout caring for repercussions or public comments is what I call hardness. Being able to hit a mofo for touching you in a gay manner or another mofo for throwing gang signs at you is being hard. Im sick of letting ppl insult me or get over by me without me ever putting my hands on ppl. Just the other day some mexican dude giving me sandwiches didnt want to put on some pickles and peppers and said they were at a stand but he made m sandwitch to go so as I was opening it I realized I would have to mess it up just to put them in and I know damm well he could have done it from the front. Instead of just forgetting about it I should have demanded him to do it or put my hands on him over the counter like a "real man" Would.

But here is the thing why I am writing this thread and in the two main areas I recently failed in and why I think I need to move to the city to be able to move to the next step in my mental transformation. I recently went to san francisco two days in a row because of macworld as I am a writer for a tech site. Anyway the first night my mom dropped me off because I was afraid of parking coats and she knew the city better, but I wasnt expecting her to show up at the freaking event!! She did and they somehow let her in. So I felt stupid for not just going alone and as I was walking outside when she was going to take me to dinner some black drug addicts and beggars kept asking for monet but one was all over me and wouldnt stop.he was literally raping me he was so faggy (i heard my mom say hey thats enough as I was trying to psyche myself up for an action or violence). I at that moment when realized he had chances to back out and didnt try shoulder hitting him. Going i ti bis shouldwr with hime ti make bim fky back like I did in jail but for some reason I think because my mom was there and I was too worried about public outcry or police or other bums stabbing my mom or me stopped right before my shoulder would have made contact. I felt like all the skills I learnt, all of my thai boxing and jiu jitsu training is worthless because of my mental limitations and holding back. This was some skinny black drug addict I had fear of his unpredictability. I couldnt believe my own mind and body. Its like I wanted todo something but my mind wouldnt allow it. And I just stoppef and he started trying to get hard with me and I waited for him to get closer but he at this time finally kept his distance but looked like he wanted to pull a knife or something and thhe situation was over as I was walking away already. I hated myself for this.

Anyway here is another recent scenario. I went to macworld the next day and decided to go to a bar after the event for a drink. At the bar I made out with a hot dark older woman around 40 I think and she said I am delicious and gave me her number though. Ut wouldnt take me home due to some bs excuse like having roomates or being judged or some crap. But before I talked to her some gay dude was standing in the back and I walked by him and said excuse me and he said "oh Im sorry real sorry" and started massaging my back or patting me real sexually. Instead of acting like a real man and grabbing him in a choke or just grabbing his triceps and muscle tendoms (pressure points) or putting him on the wall I just didnt even look back and shrugged my shoulder. I dont know why I couldnt do what these mexican San Jose gangbangers do in bars and just hit without thinking or something. I felt so weak and helpless like a little girl being harassed by a stranger or something. But he was so weak and small compared to me. This again shows mental not some mma or bs skills matter in life. Anyway, as I was trying to think of a way to react the situation was over and he only did it for a sec ao I couldn't get my mind to agree to get physical. Its so bizarre how weak mentally I m and nice of a guy I am. Ill even accept gays touching me. Anyway there is my recent rant of a nice guy.

But I look at it this way. at least I know what I need to work on to become a warrior and what to test myself with or how to overcome this handicap. I have various chokes and holds at my disposal I just have too much fear or shakiness in my knees and inhibitions to ever use these skills. I just need to live in a city or violent place to really achieve this no thought mental process. Or no fear.

I wonder why the "edit post" button doesn't work for you... only you.

enforcer- which of these guys do you think is tougher; the guy who just wants to sit down and chat with his buddy or the guy who wants to prove how big and strong he is?

http://www.break.com/index/old-man-vs-bully-1996831

No enforcer, you should care about getting laid. It would do you a world of good.

ya might want to take some poppers first.
(to loosen your sphincter)

B2

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOWOWWOOWOOWWWWWWWWOOOWWOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWW

Ur stupid. Stfu and live. Stop thinking about hurting people. If you have to defend yourself, your training will come into play naturally. You are doing the right thing by not hitting these people dude. Goood job. Stay peaceful. Dont let these little things bother you. If you are destined for something greater in life, then strive to achieve it, dont focus on anything that you dont have to.

enforcer- here's something you can work on when you're in prison, after proving how tough and manly you are, there's not much else to do...

http://www.break.com/index/monkey-bars-360-fail-2005905

what's stfu?

stfu is an ancient martial art created in Ur by a guy named Stu.

I knew it was something to do with sifu

Its short for shut the f*** up, i appreciate the subtle vulgarity.