• Archive through February 09, 2005 February 10 - 12:53 am [20]

• Archive through February 11, 2005 February 11 - 03:47 am [20]

Naw I just realized that I did the right thing in not pushing one of the kid's faces or bitchslapping them. I mean if I did that for just a stare or anything lower than them again throwing something at me or again talking smack, I would have sunk to their level if not lower. I would look like the big bully who harasses kids. I mean they probably wouldnt do anything or tell anyone and if they had they wouldnt be able to find where I lived, but still other people might have saw and people ins tores might have saw, and I would feel kind of stupid if I got physical with one of them and he didnt react and just took it, I would feel stupid.

but the way one of those kids stared at me was pure hatred. Like he wanted to kill me right than and there.

by the way that guy I was talking about in my muay thai class that started trash talking to me the other day and sparring despite it wasnt sparring time and kept going even after I stopped. Today I was waiting for the right moment to bitch slap him or make him feel abd in some sort of a way. I walked up and he was turned around so I hit the back of his head a few times with the back of my hand (bitchslap) and he turned around and when he saw the look on my face (I was waiting for him to react) he said "•••• you man" and I saiw "•••• you bitch" but I said it dead and serious, and he started sort of laughing and I laughed a bit back. The abd part was one of my muay thai coaches (I have 2) saw us the whole time and I don't know what he thought. Also, later when he was on the ehavy bag I started lightly tapping him and sparring in a sort of way he did and he was turned around again, and he tunred back around and did it back so I threw a high kick at his neck that he caught and I struggled for a bit than put him in the guillotine that I held for a few seconds before letting go of him. He said "youve been wanting to do that huh" and I said "yea I havent done that for awhile" than he started getting friendly with me and I asked him about his kicks and asked him to show me how he does it. SO eh threw one at my neck and hit me pretty hard, so I threw one rigfht back at full force but he blocked it. Anyway after that I did some iron bodye xcersise with him where I hit him with a pad a bunch of times, and he told me something that he felt like a bitch for not standing up to that excersise earlier so that's why he wante dto do it after class than, and he was telling me about how a guy isnt a bitch that travels across the country by himself or something to do effect since he did that (I knwo from his history of coming from another state to SoCal). I dont know if he was bragging about himself or what.

No I dont get contantly harassed like I used to in high school and junior high (well in high school it was at least ocne every year not constantly). That is why I want to learn how to intimidate people easily and use violence when I have to. In the past I didnt use violence or was to afraid to or to afraid of consequences and it got me disrespect from my peers. In High school for example (I lived in Claremont) and everytime there was a fight there the whole school would almsot group and cheer and watch it. I didnt want part of that so I never fought even though one guy was bitch slapping me once across the face. I did fight once though and that was during my senior year. I came back from my grandmas place where tshe lives in a semi bad neighboorhood and met some tatood up thugs and ex cons who inspired me to become tougher and deal with violence better. So when I came back first thing I did was grab one guy by the neck in the morning when there was nobody around and started mocking him (same guy who harassed me before or one of those guys) and he at first took me like a punk I was before and just tried flinging my hand off and ignoring me, so I kept doing it and he got up and pushed me or something so I pushed him back and he punched me. So I started going apeshit on him and he on me and this was just when I started training so I ahd abd coordination and we were totally msising each other. But I got him good with a perfect right cross to his nose. And I clinched with him and tripped him and put him in a necklock on the ground asking him if he ahd enough. SOme guy jumped over and broke us up, I was still wearing my backpack as well. I looked at him and his nose started bleeding badly and I left. It was in the mroning so there weren't alot of witnesses and none of us got caught, but after that he started avoiding me or being nice to me.

'Today I was waiting for the right moment to bitch slap him or make him feel abd in some sort of a way.'

Dude, let it go.

'I walked up and he was turned around so I hit the back of his head a few times'

That kind of thing is not only going to get you labled a wuss, it will land you a serious beating. Think about it, you were skulking around waiting for an opportunity to launch a sneak attack on your training partner. Do you really have to ask what your coach/trainer thinks about that?

how is it going to get me labeled a wuss when I didnt run awaya fter he turned around and waited for him to do something? And the second time once he did do something I this time brought the ehat on and ended up putting him in a choke before letting go? It's not like i tapped him and ran away before he turned around or something. If he was facing me I probably would have done the same thing. Next week (Ill wait a few days) and when me and hinm are alone after class or between classes Ill do it right in his face ill put him in a guillotine or grab him by the collar and shake him a few times, ill do it to look like Im just practising not angry or anything.

It's the- "waiting till he was looking the other way" and "wanting to make him feew badwy" and the the way you "plan" to do it again and next time, you'll do it right to his face like your "just practising not angry or anything"- which puts you in puss territory.

It's a little known fact that park rangers in India wear masks on the back of their heads when walking through the jungle because Tigers will only attack something from behind. If you look at it that way- You're like a little hairless tiger.

Put a barrel in your mouth, pull the trigger and do the final waltz.

Enforcer,

Any "man" who needs to ask if he should go pick fights with kids IS a wuss.

Not to mention stupid.

Enforcer, did it ever occur to you that if you intimidate people, you may not be giving them the chance to show their true colors? That instead of respecting you, they may just garrotte you from behind (those are the ones to worry about)? You speak of finding the right time and place to have it out because you don't want to look like an idiot in front of others. Does this mean you aren't an idiot when you do idiotic things simply because no one is there to see it? How about using your ego to decide that you won't let any passing dirtbag jerk your chain that easily? Yeah, that sparring partner of yours sounds like he had it coming, but you should have handled it then, not distort the situation in your mind by stewing over it for hours. Then, you apparently got friendly with the idiot! Bad mistake, once an idiot, always an idiot, that sort of situation will happen again with him, either against you or against someone else and you may be forced to take sides. No wonder these things happen to you, you seem to live your life in such a way that you cause them (associating with idiots; prison is full of people who aren't bad people, just stupid enough to hang out with the wrong "friends"), see things that aren't there or escalate minor incidents. Those kids know that you swallowed their line of •••• hook, line and sinker, that you're scared or bitter. They may not be intelligent, but animals can smell blood. And it is your fault that you exposed your insecurities to them. Quit brooding over this stuff so much. You need a life. That will put minor stuff in the proper perspective. Get laid.

Bob #2, he did the same to me started messing with me when I was turned around to hit the speed bag than I turned andhye started sparring me and talking smack, because I was in a clam mood and he became agressive all of a sudden I kind of let him mess with me and ddint respond than. The reason he actually did it because he wanted to hti the speed bag instead of me because he ahd a sore shoulder as he claimed. I have done stuff to people in their faces. Like one time I punched a guy in the face for laughing at me and trying to intimidate me with his friend about a year or so ago. I usually have to psyche myself out and motivate myself before doing something so I think about it first than do it.

I also suffer sometimes from depression and histeria.

and that sparring partner did try to punk another guy I know with words though.

Enforcer,
99.9% of the world suffers from depression... take Kenneths advice and get laid and drink some beer.

Take a look at the Soldiers and Marines in Iraq... being killed and missing legs, eyesight, the ability to wipe themselves.

Now how does your life struggles sound?

what I mean is sometimes instead of feeling at angry at someone or something I feel depressed and direct the anger at myself, that's why I have an image to lvie up to, so i dont have to direct anger at myself.

By directing anger outwardly and to create an image of yourself is only accomplishing one thing... more confusion to yourself.

Again. Read my first statement and it makes your life sound pretty good does it not?

Maybe you should visit and volunteer your time at a local VA hospital and do some good and see another side of life.

Has it occured to anyone yet that enforcer is just making all this up?

Here is a story about my friend I wrote.

His pics:

http://tinypic.com/1em90l

http://tinypic.com/1em92r

I went to visit my grandma the last 3 Summers and some old friends that I knew since childhood before I moved at age 9. I haven't been there for awhile so I lsot contact since those 3 Summers ago. We were drinking together with some people I knew and didnt know, and one of the guys there who was a car thief (sopposevly some neighboors said that) said he's gonna get this other guy nicknamed "the gyspy" that ratted on him to the cops and he did some time because of him and they grew up together. So he kept telling us how he's gonna find him and just beat the •••• out of him, (funny because the gyspy is a pretty big guy). He kept saying how he can't find him anywhere (funny again because the guy was easy to find I even saw him). He was so excited that he even started talking •••• to my friend (the one in the pic) and raised his bottle at him. My friend beat the •••• out of him despite he was unarmed by throwing rappid punches to his head, and was soccer kicking him on the ground (this was in front of a liquor store). Another friend I know whow as also drinking with us stopped him or he said he would have killed the guy.

Later on we were still all drunk and drinking more and some guy came walking around all tough while we were just hanging out in front of the blocks. My crazy friend (in those pics again) went up to him and asked him something than the guy flipped my friend off, my friend went up to him and headbutted him than threw a right hook and knocked his ass down (the guy was much better shape than my friend as well). Later on thyere were some kids in the other block sitting when some gang from another hood that everyone says is filled with criminals came looking for my friend. One of those guys was Zerlosky a guy who did quite a bit of prison time and was egtting so out of control people from his own hood were promising a whole case of beer to the man that murders him. He was even jumping on a cop car and the cops didn't do anything to him.

They grabbed the kids and scared the •••• out of them asking for my friend (they weren't really kids they were around 15-17). They even smoked a cigarette from one of those kids taking it right out of their hand.
My friend knew that Zerlosky guy's reputation and everyone was saying he would do hospital time for shure, but he wasn't a rat and would never go to the cops for help. At night a store was robbed and my friend was gone next day camping away from the town somwhere to wait until things calmed down. The next day when everyone was talking about the store being robbed (in front of the apartment blocks by the way) we all knew it was him. What was funny is the only thing taken was some soups and cigarettes. My grandma told me that blood was found near the broken glass so they would identify him, when I came back a year later though he was still free. Eventually those guys caught up with him when he came back but another guy nicknamed Hitler was with him to bring down the heat so they wouldn't go overboard. My friend explained it that what happened was he was walking with hitler and he hears someone driving behind him and honking at him, he turns around thinking "what the fu--" and thinking "should I beat the •••• of that driver or should I not beat the •••• out of them", than all fo a sudden like 5 guys come out and cathc up with him including the multiple killer Zerloski.

best part of this story is the bigenning part where my friend beat up all thsoe guys in one day. In the same day he also cut another guy's lip (actually a 17 year old kid lol) with a bottle and was smiling holding his neck afterwards wanting his picture taken lol. I forgot to mention that he did juvi and some prison time as well. He was at a party where some guy was mouthing off to him and he stabbed the guy near his heart almost killing him. His friend ratted on him so he went to juvi than a year in the pen for that. When he got out he did some other thing where he went back in for a few months as well. I also heard he stole some guy's car and drove it around a bit before puttiong it back lol (from his own hood) which got him in trouble.

When I came back a year later some bouncers were looking for him because he borrowed money for weed (50 bucks) and didn't return it. Those guys were described as killing machines on steroids, with arms as big as a normal guy's legs. They were talking about that when they catch him they will rape him and put him on a swinger upside down and make him suckl their dicks, lol. I haven't came back so i don't know if they caught up with him or not.

That guy is one of the people that inspired me to be tough and have a self image to look up to. Before I started ahnging out with those thugs and realized how fearless and badass they are so I tried and still sometimes try eumlating them. For example if I get depressed or angry I start to think about some of the thigns they have donedo and I get psyched out.

I forgot to mention that my friend was in juvi from age 14 to like 17-18 and a year in the pen. He has many other tats on his stomach and a devil on his back.

I have such an image to portray that even when someone stares me down I get depressed and start staring down everyone else in my way to egt my courage and self image back sometimes. I always used to test myself as well. Like I would bang on a window wlaking by sonmeone to see if they react. I want or sometimes need to get itno violent confrontations to prove that I can fight or am not wasting my time in ma. I used to have such an image to look up to I would psyche myself out to try and assault someone in a dark alley. I came close to doing it but once the person greeted me or said hi ocne I started coming toward them I stopped and later realized my foolishness. This phobia went away for awhile but these kids made it somewhat come back, and every confrontation makes it somewhat come back. I used to be so hot that I was an accident waiting to happen.

Hi Matthew,

I'm glad you walked away from the man in the dark alley, and I hope that he taught you something useful about being human.

I still think you should get help and do something aside from Martial arts. Time for you to move on.

Or you could just continue living in depression and hysteria, trying to be harder than the hardest, and hurting others to try to feel better, then feeling worse and stewing in guilt and insecurity.

But why would you want to?

best wishes

Edward

Jeez, Enforcer, with friends like that, who needs fertilizer? Did you notice that by now 3 or 4 people have suggested that you seek psychiatric help? Perhaps you should seriously consider it before you end up doing time like your loser buddies, because if you think you're depressed and paranoid now, wait until you get to the big house where incidents like you describe are almost a daily occurence. The shame of it all is that you sound like you want to do the right thing.

Listen to Kenneth on this one... I had a cousin take a shank to the gut over $3.00 and half a pack of smokes.

I thought I was a bad ass as a teenager and part of my early adult life.

WRONG!

My cousin is now dead, but his tragedies have become my learning stone.

You do not want to end up in prison.

This thread is now closed.