why? Explain.

I usually feel I do the right thing at the time but when I go home and am thinking about it I always think I should act much tougher.

Mathew,

1- the only explaination I can give is the content all of your posts today. (print'em out and read them to a shrink- seriously).

2- read the post above for a good example.

3- If you post something and decide to change or
add to it with in 30 minutes... just click
'edit post'.

4- Everyone isn't making fun of you, everyone isn't threatening you- you NEED to have some long, deep conversations with a person who is a professional in helping folks deal with reality.

so i should just let people spit on me, throw stuff, yell at me, and let it go without doing anything?

hey mate. let me just give you an example to what happens when the media get involved. here's a link :
www.sunstar.com.ph/static/ceb/2005/01/ 18/news/martial.arts.teacher.told.to.answer.charge.html

the above article shows you what happens when you defend yourself and the other party goes to the newspaper and changes the story. we just got media bashed.

Enforcer, you are insecure and socially inept. It's no mystery why kids throw things at you.

"I felt I already punked him enough not to mess with me again with his cronies, but I guess it didn't work."

"I usually feel I do the right thing at the time but when I go home and am thinking about it I always think I should act much tougher."

"...and one gave me a high five and a fist to fist type thing"

Also, If you are 20, and you beat up a bunch of (smaller) teenage kids over a bottle cap, you WILL GO TO JAIL.

Get help.

Pride kicking in, that's the Devil talking to you, son. Go to any prison and you'll meet a number of cons who let their pride get the best of them. Better to walk away and think about the good things in life. Most of these punks don't get enough discipline at home, so they think they can do whatever they want. Walk away with a smile and forget them.

Mathew,

I'm not suggesting to "let anyone spit on you or throw things at you" at all. I'm saying you really need help.

It's less about people spitting or throwing things at you- it's more about how you invite that crap on yourself and your bizarre ideas of how best to handle it.

Shane

My experiences in grade school were what got me started in 'martial arts', I suspect there are a number of us who had similar experiences.

Take it from somebody in their fifties. Everything you say is that when you are in unpleasant or uncomfortable situations, you respond to the situation the same way you would have when you were eight to twelve years old.

There is a part of you which hasn't become an adult yet Part of this is emotional, ties in with maturity, confidence, and skills. Sounds like you are still trying to 'win' the battles which occured years ago.

Enough with the lecture, there's a lot going on here that can't be handled over this forum. Do go through the works of Payton Quinn and Marc McYoung, they both discuss how to deal with harassment and people who may be 'sizing you up'.

enforcer,

with a name like that, your fate is sealed!
also, is that what your internal martial arts training has taught, or better yet, why train with one set of concepts and practice another?

one never escalates a situation like that. you should know better.

"Take it from somebody in their fifties. Everything you say is that when you are in unpleasant or uncomfortable situations, you respond to the situation the same way you would have when you were eight to twelve years old.

There is a part of you which hasn't become an adult yet Part of this is emotional, ties in with maturity, confidence, and skills. Sounds like you are still trying to 'win' the battles which occured years ago."

In High school in in my history I would try ignoring people that bothered me and woulodnt be pressured into fighting. This got so bad that one guy even hit me in my back or the back of my head and I would just sit there and take it because there were so many people looking around I was afraid if I fight Id look stupid and embarassed. That's why right now for the last few years I told myself that I will handle my problenms head on and comfront the person/people right away.

SOmeone mentioned prison. In prison people fight and kill for the simplest things like cigarrets or who gets to watch the tv, because it always starts out small. If you let someone take advantage of you for a small thing that thing will become bigger and soon youll be doing that guy's laundry.

Yes, 'Enforcer', I had already been thinking that, that line of thinking would be acceptable, even necessary, in prison. Part of the problem is, that behavior done anyplace else may get you in prison.

Confrontation is sometimes a good thing and can be necessary. Knowing when and how to do it is not as easy.

A lot of folks will harrass you only if they think it is safe to do so. What if a seven year old loudly calls you a 'stupid mother ••••••'. Would you attempt to discipline him? (Note: Too many people with kids are not parents). You would get in a lot of trouble.

You need to be able to just disregard some things

You sound a lot like me when I was younger.

"soon you'll be doing that guy's laundry"
you have such a naive sense of reality... or was that a euphamisim?

Enforcer- face it; you'd be tossing-salad ten minutes after getting put in the big house.

I dont think you need a doctor- you need my "Ultimate Cage Fighting Techniques for Everyday Life" video course (which includes detailed information for shivs and prison style attacks on children or senile deliquents who make the mistake of staring at you).

Toughen up little feller, before you end up like Mark,
Roberto Numero Dos

Enforcer,

'I was afraid if I fight Id look stupid and embarassed'

Uh huh... Once you face the fact that you were/are afraid you might be able to move forward.

Picking a fight with someone you percieve as weaker will not make you stronger and it will not restore whatever dignity you feel you lost in grade school, in my opinion.

Enforcer,
I was picked on alot also. I have a facial abnormality(small but there). I put up with alot of @#$%. You can not let your past run your future or in this case the current.

I had the opportunity as an adult to fight someone from the past. They were running their mouth just like they did in Middle School, then it hit me. These people are not mature and I just plainly stated, your just talking still and not doing much else(they did not take the challenge).

My point is. You have to take the past and deal with it, and move on, you can be your own worst enemy.

Damn,
I sound like a shrink.

Rich,

how small is your abnormal face?

Speaking of prison:

http://www.nospank.net/hulin.htm
http://www.hrw.org/reports/2001/prison/rodney_hulin.html
http://www.spr.org/en/news/pre2002/080797.htm
lhttp://casey.umd.edu/casey/web/Medals.nsf/5f3e28ac2d631196852566d2006a59ed/2289d d030dc5e56a852568900060c9ed?OpenDocument
http://www.spr.org/en/survivorstories/dennismi.html
http://www.spr.org/en/survivorstories/davidca.html
http://www.spr.org/en/survivorstories/rodneyca.html
http://www.spr.org/en/survivorstories/ghak.html
http://archive.salon.com/news/feature/2001/01/22/memphis/

http://www.newyorker.com/printable/?online/040216on_onlineonly01
http://www.laweekly.com/ink/05/11/features-duersten.php

If the third link doesn't work:
http://www.spr.org/en/news/pre2002/080797.html

Why aren't you trolling matbattle.com yet? You'd fit right in, Enforcer.

Come on out little bird, there's a whole big world outside that closet your locked in.

S

Hi Matthew,

It doesn't sound like fun being you.

Building an identity based on being able to hurt people is a terrible trap. It means the only way to deal with something you don't like is to cause pain, which is inherently dangerous, and can have consequences like going to jail.

The alternative, not do anything is failure to live up to your identity, and feels like a kind of impotence. So your screwed if you do and screwed if you don't (of course some impotent people would be happy to be screwed). No win, not fun.

I think a lot of people are drawn to martial arts because they have some investment in who they are based on the ability to fight. I'll even say everyone in martial arts has that, knows someone like that, or both.

I think one of the most valuable things a martial arts teacher can do is be an example of someone who can fight, but doesn't make their fighting ability the cornerstone of their personality.

If you need to base your identity on something, what else could you choose - the ability to have a laugh with people, to help people, think clearly, to make things...

Or you could choose a more buddhist approach and free your sense of identity from any need to be a particular way.

Not everyone is constantly spat on or harrassed. Of course where you live, and how old you are can make a big difference in that. If constant harassment is really your perception of life then I agree with the others, get some help outside this board. We can wish you well, but will that be enough?

cheers

Edward

ps I reccomend Bob's "Ultimate Cage Fighting Techniques for Everyday Life" video course it - certainly changed my life, and it's amazing value for money!