As I was walking into the main Taipei Courthouse yesterday, where I teach California criminal law, I noticed a bunch of t.v. station vans out front. That is not that unusual as Taiwanese politicians, fading Mando-Pop divas and jilted lovers frequently use the court system here in Taiwan as a stage to get on the evening news and air their sad stories/dirty laundry.

But when I walked into class one of my prosecutor students asked, "did you see all the news reporters when you came in?" I said "sure did, what is the comedy-melodrama of the day downstairs". He said, "oh, it will interest you, it is a case about gong fu fraud".

Oh, oh, I thought, now what. Here is the story.

The prosecutors indicted a "Grand Master of Tai Chi Chuan" named Hung Shih-ho. He was accused of cheating several thousand disciples out of at least $819,000,000 New Taiwan dollars ( about $24,800,000 in U.S. dollars¡Xpretty good money for a taiji teacher! And yes that is 24 million bucks.) And, no surprise, he is also charged with tax evasion.

According to the indictment, Grand Master Hung teaches the art of "Divine Attack on a Bull" (literal translation) which allows the person to kill an animal (cow, bull, pig, ect.) or human from a few meters away (without a gun, by using "evil qi", just to make it clear)

So¡Xthe trial was set for an hearing yesterday and somebody leaked to the media that Grand Master Hung was going to demonstrate the Divine Attack on a Bull in court to prove to the court that it ain't fraud, that he is the real deal. It was unclear whether Master Hung was going to kill the bailiff, the judge or a volunteer student (or maybe his attorney!). But in any event the media was all over the courthouse.

One of the kids/students, in either a fit of frustration or the ultimate in student loyalty; tearfully told the judge, "I want the master to use his Divine Bull Power to kill me, I would rather die than live and know I was cheated". (the Taiwanese have a flair for melodramatics, especially over at the courthouse).

What the Grandmaster should have done was turn to the kid and in his best Darth Vader voice said; "I find your lack of faith disturbing"; but apparently Grandmaster was not a Star Wars fan.

But alas in one of the great anti-climaxes of courthouse kung fu, when the defendant Grandmaster Hung, got to court (perhaps on the advice of his attorney) the defense changed from "it ain't bullshit, it aint fraud, I can and will kill something from 3 meters away" to¡X"uh, your honor, I do not know where my disciples got these crazy ideas, I never told any of the saps, excuse me, I mean students, that I or anyone could kill from a distance.."

Taiwanese criminal trials are completely unlike an American trial. Taiwanese court proceedings are more like the old Hurado Rivera talk show, with the judge playing the role of Hurado Rivera, the parties playing the role of the guests and the various witnesses/family members/partisans playing the part of the audience. And like the old Hurado Rivera show, most Taiwanese trials are long on yelling, screaming, pushing and shoving and short on quiet dignity of the court. (for folks interested in political science, I would mention the Taiwanese legislature is the same deal; fist fights, food fights and lots of chances to practice your Greco-Roman wrestling skills, remember like they teach you in wrestling camp, keep your head up, so the t.v. cameras can see you.)

Although I mock the whole escapade, the story actually has one sad aspect, which makes me quite angry actually. And that is the fact that several of the student-victims came from fairly poor families and had poured most of their savings into this •••••••• "I can teach you to kill cows from a distance plan". I have zero tolerance for that kind of ••••. If Grandmaster Hwang wants to rip off some millionaire business guy or some well-to-do airhead fashion model, I could kind of look the other way on that chalking it off to a moron and their money is soon parted, but ripping off poorer country kids¡Xif it was Judge Brian giving the verdict¡Xit would be state prison time for Grandmaster Hung.

On that happy kung fu criminal justice note I will close for now,
Take care,
Attorney Brian
Specializing in the Criminal Defense of Qi gong Masters Gone Bad

great news break
So what was the verdict?

Are there gangs of hostile bovine roaming the Taiwanese countryside?!!?

I don't think anyone should be convicted on capitalizing on the stupidity of others.

The tax evasion though...yeap he screwed up.

In the late '80s there was a qigong "grandmaster" that had several schools around the Taipei area. I saw him at a big martial arts demonstration, he surrounded himself with about 30 of his students. He stood in the middle of the circle, raised his arms, spun around and all of the students fell down. It was absolutely hilarious.

A couple of years later, the government shut him down. He was in trouble for fraud and, you guessed it, tax evasion.

You wrote
"One of the kids/students, in either a fit of frustration or the ultimate in student loyalty; tearfully told the judge, "I want the master to use his Divine Bull Power to kill me, I would rather die than live and know I was cheated". (the Taiwanese have a flair for melodramatics, especially over at the courthouse)."

I guess the student could not see the flaw in his logic.
If the "Master" did kill him with his qi projection then he had not been cheated and had nothing to be ashamed of. But would be dead and unable to assert his validity.
However if the "Master" was not able to perform the magical death qi projection then he would essentially be proving the case to support his own shame and humiliation in ignorance of heading the philosophy of Caveat Emptor.
Oh well

(I use the term Master in the strictest of Americanism, being we have such Masters on every street corner and inside
every Kung Fu magazine- the Land of the Masters that we are)
This is a fun thread I thank all of you for pleasantly helping me through my day
JAMIE

Hi Folks, sorry about the delay in getting back to you with news on the Cow Killing Kung Fu Court Case.

Bob #2: No, there are no gangs of cows roaming Taiwanese streets hassling people. With all due respect you have confused a training drill with actual fighting. Killing the cows is a training drill much like working the heavy bag. Like the heavy bag, cows just kind of stand there immobile and like heavy bags, the cows allow you to practice your skills full power. The one difference is when working the bag you wrap your hands to keep the bones in your hand from flying apart. When working the cows you have to wrap your head for the same reason, to keep the bones which make up your skull from flying apart. Many swamis leave their head wrappings on just to show what bad dudes they are.

Jamie, you mentioned the kids failure of logic. I must report that analytic skills are not really the mainstay of Taiwanese public education; nuff said on that topic.

Tim, as to the whirlwind of chi-death demonstration; a friend of mine here in Taiwan saw either the same guy or the same gag and he agrees, it was hilarious. Much like a football fan wave at the stadium.

All kidding aside I got the verdict (all 25 pages of it) from the lower court proceeding and I am actually going to do a law journal article on it. It looks like Grandmaster Flash may, in the High Court, try and use religious freedom as an alternative defense. In any event that was the courthouse comedy of the week.

Yours in law and justice,
Grandmaster Brian
Attorney at Law and Chi Dealer*
*wholesale rates on high octane chi available-inquire within